Tomorrow I HAVE to apply to college because if I don't get out of here all ill do is explode I cant handle doing nothing all the time. This is where all my weight came from. I'm on my second year out of school and I've done nothing and it really kills me when I think of all this wasted time. Right now im really a "waste of space" I'm not sure if I should call Old Navy and ask about my background check or keep waiting im just a big dumb dumb in these situations.
We went to get my dads work truck from Jersey today and when we got back my dad had to park the van out back. Its like the stereotypical "kid napping" vans..except its gray. So I got to drive my dads green car out front like I pulled it out he pulled in then got in the car with me and I went out front and her directed me to parallel park! First time I've ever done that I was impressed I did a good job too if I say so myself! Then I walked a mile cause my weights getting to me. I'm not fat! I know im not but I just want to be a bit more toned and nicer and a little lighter.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Written all over your face.
I want someone to put me on top of the world and let me stay there. I need my mind ripped from my being and locked away. I need to learn again, all over how to do everything. I want a new me and im going to get it eventually. I want things to go my way for once, I need something good to happen I need people on my side and support. Im going to get my parents to help me apply to Uarts tomorrow I gave my mom the $60 already and I need to do this I need to get somewhere with my life. Old Navy gave me an interview and they need to do a background check and then call me for orientation so im waiting on that. And well see what else is going to happen with things for now...
My mood was so high now its down low...But really like I thought only lesbians were the only ones who were all "OMG LETS GET MARRIED AFTER A DAY!!!!" nope straight people too. The only reason why I liked straight relationships. Oh well I guess.
Im going to stop trying with people also im sick of being the first person to text im or whatever. Im always trying for people always! and I get nothing back except the usual conversation like hey u nothing k....gr. Why do I gotta pry conversation.
My mood was so high now its down low...But really like I thought only lesbians were the only ones who were all "OMG LETS GET MARRIED AFTER A DAY!!!!" nope straight people too. The only reason why I liked straight relationships. Oh well I guess.
Im going to stop trying with people also im sick of being the first person to text im or whatever. Im always trying for people always! and I get nothing back except the usual conversation like hey u nothing k....gr. Why do I gotta pry conversation.
Monday, September 6, 2010
People need people
Your body does and feels things that your eyes and mind have no idea about and are confused and it sucks. But everyone should know how and what makes them happy. Weather it be something extravagant or something simple and plain. People need people to survive. Imagine not being able to talk to someone for a week straight! How bored you would get (more then normally). How would you learn without someone caring about if you know about things or not. If you don't learn you wont be able to take care of yourself nor would you be able to provide for yourself. People need people.
But people also need a break from people. Imagine being stuck with someone in a closed space for a long period of time. No way would that work unless you had some time apart like a couple hours and such. That is how marriages work. You love someone but you dont stay glued together. You cant marry someone and spend every second together or you would get sick of the significant other. That is why normal people have jobs where you leave the house and then you both come home. Its healthy for you to leave for a decent amount of time or you will push each other away. Which is a reason why a lot of relationships fail. Woo for smartness in relationship info....even though I suck at relationships xD
And everyone needs music!!! rock rap country whatever its all good to someone.
Whats your favorite m&m color?!
But people also need a break from people. Imagine being stuck with someone in a closed space for a long period of time. No way would that work unless you had some time apart like a couple hours and such. That is how marriages work. You love someone but you dont stay glued together. You cant marry someone and spend every second together or you would get sick of the significant other. That is why normal people have jobs where you leave the house and then you both come home. Its healthy for you to leave for a decent amount of time or you will push each other away. Which is a reason why a lot of relationships fail. Woo for smartness in relationship info....even though I suck at relationships xD
And everyone needs music!!! rock rap country whatever its all good to someone.
Whats your favorite m&m color?!
I see a red door and I want to paint it black
I dont need to but I want too! I want to lose weight! I want to be healthier and happier with myself. Everyone says "oh you're not fat, you look fine" But I don't feel fine so I will lose weight...well try too. More fruits and veggies less shit and not eating before I go to bed. I also want to stay more active during the day so I might start cleaning up more around here cause its a mess.
My room was a mess when I was little (whos wasnt?!) now im older and everything else is a mess in this house but my room.
My dad told me when my grand mom was alive.... Uhm but my dad said that she made my mom clean up more and have things in order. My grand mom I miss a lot she doesnt know a lot about me as more of an adult like now that im grown up mostly and I know im gay and things like that she doesn't know and I wonder what shed think about it like if shed be okay with it. I think about that every time I talk about her. Like if it wasn't okay with her it would have been harder for my mom because she was my moms best friend like they had that mother daughter bond. I feel like its a lot of pressure and shes not even alive! like if she wasnt ok with gays my mom would of had a harder time accepting it and all that, so im just really curious how things would of turned out. Or she could totally be accepting and it would of been fun still being able to hang out with her because she didn't live far from me.
I've been listening to a lot of punk goes classic! its pretty good except some songs. But a lot of the punk goes whatever is usually good.
My room was a mess when I was little (whos wasnt?!) now im older and everything else is a mess in this house but my room.
My dad told me when my grand mom was alive.... Uhm but my dad said that she made my mom clean up more and have things in order. My grand mom I miss a lot she doesnt know a lot about me as more of an adult like now that im grown up mostly and I know im gay and things like that she doesn't know and I wonder what shed think about it like if shed be okay with it. I think about that every time I talk about her. Like if it wasn't okay with her it would have been harder for my mom because she was my moms best friend like they had that mother daughter bond. I feel like its a lot of pressure and shes not even alive! like if she wasnt ok with gays my mom would of had a harder time accepting it and all that, so im just really curious how things would of turned out. Or she could totally be accepting and it would of been fun still being able to hang out with her because she didn't live far from me.
I've been listening to a lot of punk goes classic! its pretty good except some songs. But a lot of the punk goes whatever is usually good.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Dont Fear the Reaper
I always like the wrong people and then IM the one who ends up crying. EVERY single one of them always have said "I wont make you cry I promise" That's shit. I guess I need a stronger wall. The people who want to be in will climb it and others will let me slip away. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me but I cant help stupid emotions. They come and go and they don't stay like anyone stays anyway so big deal I guess. But im not afraid of it I refuse to be afraid of these people who think they're grown up and responsible, when in all reality no one is responsible. We'll see the winners in the end and then I will know. But until then I wont be worried im only nineteen and I have room to grow...hell everyone has room to grow if you don't have room and you're closed minded you might as well not be living at all I guess.
Love is a big word...and I've learned a lot but also, Hate is a strong word and the only people I think should be hated are Rapists, murderers (unless its in self defense) or anyone committing a serious crime of harmful manners. So love nor hate are appropriate words for people at a young age or early on in a relationship it gets you in deeper then needed.
Womp.
Some friends and myself are talking about moving to San Diego after colleges and such and I want to. Its all the way across the united states and away from everything that I know. I mean worst comes to worse if we crash and burn we crash together. Its a little close to Mexico like probably an hour drive from Mexico and a 4 hour drive to LA but it'll be nice and well have some great adventures there. And in all if it doesn't work out we can always come back to Philadelphia. So for me that will be in 5 years which is exciting I'm excited for adventures and I get really bad anxiety so hopefully maybe that will scare the anxiety out of me because its a big step.It'll be interesting to see where we will all be in 5 years with our lives.
I am applying to Uarts soon for either illustration or graphic design im not sure which yet but im working on it. Art is a lot of my life and I think its possible for anyone to become an artist, well everyone is an artist in their own way I believe. I just need to work on detail and get education in. Ive never had a formal art class other then elementary school which impresses a lot of people. I was accepted into Moore college of art and design and will go there unless Uarts is cheaper which I kind of hope Uarts is cheaper, but well see. I can't wait to learn I've been out of school for a year and will be more then a year when I go back and I can't wait to see how it goes. I have matured more and im willing to take school more seriously because now I'll be learning about something im interested in and not being forced to sit in a room because of society.
donteatinmycloset on deviantART
Love is a big word...and I've learned a lot but also, Hate is a strong word and the only people I think should be hated are Rapists, murderers (unless its in self defense) or anyone committing a serious crime of harmful manners. So love nor hate are appropriate words for people at a young age or early on in a relationship it gets you in deeper then needed.
Womp.
Some friends and myself are talking about moving to San Diego after colleges and such and I want to. Its all the way across the united states and away from everything that I know. I mean worst comes to worse if we crash and burn we crash together. Its a little close to Mexico like probably an hour drive from Mexico and a 4 hour drive to LA but it'll be nice and well have some great adventures there. And in all if it doesn't work out we can always come back to Philadelphia. So for me that will be in 5 years which is exciting I'm excited for adventures and I get really bad anxiety so hopefully maybe that will scare the anxiety out of me because its a big step.It'll be interesting to see where we will all be in 5 years with our lives.
I am applying to Uarts soon for either illustration or graphic design im not sure which yet but im working on it. Art is a lot of my life and I think its possible for anyone to become an artist, well everyone is an artist in their own way I believe. I just need to work on detail and get education in. Ive never had a formal art class other then elementary school which impresses a lot of people. I was accepted into Moore college of art and design and will go there unless Uarts is cheaper which I kind of hope Uarts is cheaper, but well see. I can't wait to learn I've been out of school for a year and will be more then a year when I go back and I can't wait to see how it goes. I have matured more and im willing to take school more seriously because now I'll be learning about something im interested in and not being forced to sit in a room because of society.
donteatinmycloset on deviantART
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